Wednesday 21st April 2021 – Chanel Miller & Know My Name

WARNING. THIS PIECE DEALS WITH TOPICS THAT SOME MAY WANT TO AVOID, SUCH AS SEXUAL ASSAULT, SUICIDE, MASS SHOOTINGS. PLEASE DON'T READ THIS IF IT MAY AFFECT YOU. 

Over the last couple of months, I have spent a lot of my spare time reading Know My Name by Chanel Miller. I feel a bit silly for admitting this, but I had never heard of her until I spotted her book in the Penguin nonfiction titles last year. I bought it within a batch of another four books and it has been the last book from that group for me to read. 

Chanel Miller was sexually assaulted on Stanford University's campus on January 17th 2015. She waited a whole year to be told that her life mattered, that she was worth more than this one night, that she was not to blame for what happened to her. 

As I write this, I cannot even think of the words to write or what I want to say. I just want to hand you the book, sit you down with it and say: 'read it'. I need you to know her story. I need you to know what she went through, what endless amounts of women are still going through. 

Chanel Miller takes us through her life in incredible detail, and I'm astonished as to how much detail there is. Though, as she says, the victim often requires a lot more detail than the defendant does. I cannot fathom having to question everything you did one night, especially when you don't remember half of it. 

The trial is told through Chanel Miller's point of view and it is heartbreaking to witness. Once the defendant realised that she couldn't remember anything, he changed the narrative, decided that the jury would have to believe him because how can you believe a girl who doesn't remember half of the evening? Chanel Miller begins to question herself, she pushes friends and family away, and she fights for the possibility of having a 'normal' life.

From school suicides, to the sexual assault, to a mass shooting, I'm amazed at how Chanel Miller has handled everything in her life. There is no doubt that it has been a struggle for her, but she is gracious, grounded, and still cares so deeply for others in this world. I was willing her to get through everything, wanting her to know that she already meant the world to me, even though she was just a person in a book. 

Somehow, my brain managed to pick out two books that deal with women being in the wrong place at the wrong time, and these women never getting the same treatment as the men in these stories. (I'm talking about The Five; Mary Ann 'Polly' Nichols, Annie Chapman, Elizabeth Stride, Catherine Eddowes, and Mary Jane Kelly, and Know My Name.) And yet, these stories take place 127 years apart. How have we still not learnt that women are still fighting for their voices to be heard? 

How can you not feel angry when you see the statistics? When you see women coming together, standing strong, but the men showing up and feeling so personally attacked that they have to make it all about them? I don't want my blog to be another place where you hear about the atrocities that are happening all over the world. I want my blog to be a happy, kind, friendly space. But I cannot sit on these thoughts forever. 

I cannot put into words all the thoughts that I have about Know My Name. Chanel Miller is eloquent, wise, funny, vulnerable. She is everything you want an author to be when dealing with such a complex, difficult and delicate subject. She's so honest, and she fights for the honesty that needs to surround sexual assault. Her book is a kind of love letter, a letter of hope, to all the survivors out there. She is thoughtful, she's mindful of the impact that her book will have on the world. 

In 2016, again, somehow I missed this, Chanel Miller's victim impact statement went viral after being published on Buzzfeed. By June 10th 2016, it had been read by more than 15,250,000 people. Her book, no doubt has been read by even more people since being published just under two years ago. 

Chanel Miller has created so much beauty from her pain. I think she's such an incredible person as she's always been so supportive (and worried about) her little sister, her parents have taught her so many wonderful things that she's come to understand and value in life. I just think that she's a wonderful person who has grown so much from that one dark night six years ago. I can imagine what she's been through, as she so eloquently writes in her book that she wants us to be able to imagine, and I hate it. It breaks my heart. But to see her creating so many amazing things, and still living life, despite not the one she had planned in her mind, is inspiring. 

Chanel Miller's writing is like nothing else. It's beautiful, fresh, and full of rawness. There is no sugar-coating the events. But Chanel Miller did find hope and light in the darkest of times. She was surrounded by many loving people who were there to keep her going. It's important that we all have people around us who will keep us going. 

If a woman speaks up about her own personal experiences of sexual assault, listen to her. She is being brave and she trusts you. She's vulnerable, and most likely, she just wants to know that someone is there to support her and look out for her. 

In a world where there is so much hurt, anger, and loss, we must always find our way out of those places. Peter Jonsson and Carl-Frederik Arndt were there the night that Chanel Miller was sexually assaulted. They are the ones who looked after her even when she wasn't aware she was in danger. Every time I read about them in the book, I would cry. It is so relieving, and reassuring, knowing that there are some people who will do anything to make this world a better place. And they are two of those people. 

I know only about Chanel Miller through her book. I don't know her as a person, I don't follow her on any social media, but I plan to always keep her in my thoughts. She will be added to my list of women I look up to. 

Read Know My Name now! (Thank you.)